If She Won't Let You Pet Hers, Get One of Your Own

Dear Abbie:
My wife is forever playing "kissy-face" with her pussy, but doesn't let me do the same with hers, much less anything else nowadays. -- PO'd in Pacoima

Dear PO'd:
Let her know that if she doesn't come around, that you are also going to get a pet - maybe a "Penthouse Pet."

But seriously, that is typical of troubled relationships, bad relationships -- the wife gives more affection to a pet than to the husband. Let her know unequivocally that if she wants to save relationship, she had better shape up, or you will kick both her and her pussy to the curb -- that you will divorce her. -- Abbie