If a Simple Valentine's Day Card Isn't Enough...

Dear Abbie:
My girl-friend keeps making not-so-subtle hints that she is expecting more (probably much more) than a card for Valentine's day. When out on the promenade, she has to stop in front of every jewelry window, squealing "isn't that cuuute!" and all that. She is my girl-friend, but not THAT much of a girl-friend. Do I bite the bullet and get the bling or what? -- Pressured.

Dear Pressured:
If a simple Valentine's Day card isn't enough, DTB (Dump that Beeatch). There's plenty more money-grubbing poon around. If you should have a girl-friend at all, you should be changing them at least once a year, anyway. Now sounds like a good time.

The DeBeers diamond cartel and Hallmark Cards have really done a job in escalating the expectations of females. Even if they are in troubled relationships, even bad relationships, they think that getting the bling will save relationship. Or will make up for being in bad relationships. But you can always say "No." After all, the feminists like to remind men that "No, means no", don't they?

But if you half-way want to keep hanging with her, get her some crotchless panties and see what her reaction is.

Hope this helps. ;>)

BTW, why not get YOURSELF some bling instead? Like a wristwatch that indicates (rightly or wrongly) that you are making a lot of money. That can be a panty-wetter for prospective new girlfriends. Doesn't mean you have to spend a lot on THEM, though. Spend it on yourself; get yourself a luxury wristwatch. Luxury Fine Wristwatches

-- Abbie

Deadbeat Dads -- Boo Hoo!

Dear Abbie:
I have a 2-year old that I need child support for. And the guy that I think got me pregnant has skipped. I really need some child support money. The county isn't really doing much for me. -- Desperate Single Mom.

Dear Desperate:
You're not going to get any help here. You blew it, and I have NO sympathy for you and your future car-jacker or crack whore spawn. Now, there is nothing the matter with unmarried sex; that isn't the point here. The point is, you bimbos should NOT be having sex unless:

1) You are willing to have an abortion should you get an unwanted pregnancy, and/or

2) You can afford a kid -- by yourself. Chances are, the guy didn't really want it, so if YOU have it, YOU pay for it.

I'm tired of you bimbos dropping litters of spawn with no more forethought than cats, rats, and dogs, then expecting everyone else to cater to you because you are a MOTHER (sob, sniffle). Puke. You have it, it's YOUR resposibility, no one else's.

And in your case, you're not even sure who the father is. Sheesh.

-- Abbie

Old but not Out of Life

Dear Abbie:
I am a 50+ year old man and still want to get laid by younger girls, not old ladies. But I have gotten too old for the bar and club scene.

Church groups -- fuggedaboudit -- old dried up religious cranks desperately looking for "relationships". They could be bad relationships, troubled relationships, sexless relationships, as long as it's a relationship. None of that is for me

Activist groups -- fuggedaboudit -- politically correct ball-busters and fem-fags (lesbians).

Any ideas? -- HornyOldGoat.

Dear Horny:
You're in luck - a new eBook has just became available that tells how to use Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) aka Network Marketing to get laid. You may not make much, if any, money, but what you're looking for is in abundance. The book tells about the psychology of women, and especially of women in MLM, and how to take advantage of that.

Update: Sorry, that book is no longer available -- Abbie